PoetryFriday – Marilyn R Garcia

Happy Poetry Friday, everyone!

Several of the Poetry Friday peeps and I are having an exciting week. We have poems in a new anthology by Pomelo Books, What is a Friend? Any new anthology by Pomelo Books (a.k.a. Sylvia Vardell and Janet Wong) is a cause for celebration and this one has even landed on the Children’s Book Council “Hot Off the Presses” list for October. Yay!

I have had the great good fortune and honor of working with Pomelo Books on three anthologies. Each time, I submitted poems that had been scribbled, stewed over, shred and pieced back together until they were…PERFECT!

Yeah. No such thing.

For What is a Friend? I used the photo prompt…

… and played with the idea that a friend could be someone, or some thing, that comforts you, that boosts your confidence, that you know so well you come alive when you are together. After following the aforementioned process, here’s what I had:

Alive (submitted version)

On this grassy field
I grasp my favorite stick
feel the smooth cylinder of its shaft
sink a clenched fist into its nylon netting
round out a ball-sized pocket

Whistle blows

My stick and I
pivot, dodge, sprint, run
burn the filed like the blazing sun

My stick and I
pass and check
cradle and scoop
catch
aim
SHOOT!

My stick and I
come alive
on this grassy field

It’s not bad. I mean, it was good enough to catch Janet and Sylvia’s attention. But, yeah, it could be better. It could always be better.

At their suggestion, and with a little back and forth, we moved some lines around, got rid of unnecessary words, made the tone more consistent, and added alliteration.

Alive (final version)

My stick and I
pause
pose
plot
plan

Whistle blows

My stick and I
come alive
on this grassy field

My stick and I
pivot, dodge, sprint, run
burn the field like the blazing sun

My stick and I
pass and check
cradle and scoop
catch
aim

SHOOT!

Look at that – my entire first stanza distilled down to eight words. EIGHT. I admit, I was worried we would lose some of what I liked about my submission if we revised it too much. But after a little more stewing over each word, each change, I think my “perfect” poem became just that much better. Thankfully, I had two sets of thoughtful, expert eyes on this poem to help me send it into the world in its best possible shape.

And all those bits that got cut? I’ll just have to build more poems around them!

I hope you will check out What is a Friend? by Pomelo Books. All profits from this book will be donated to the IBBY Children in Crisis Fund which you can learn about here.

Now head on over to Sarah Grace Tuttle’s blog for the rest of the Poetry Friday roundup!