Happy Poetry Friday, everyone!
Several of the Poetry Friday peeps and I are having an exciting week. We have poems in a new anthology by Pomelo Books, What is a Friend? Any new anthology by Pomelo Books (a.k.a. Sylvia Vardell and Janet Wong) is a cause for celebration and this one has even landed on the Children’s Book Council “Hot Off the Presses” list for October. Yay!
I have had the great good fortune and honor of working with Pomelo Books on three anthologies. Each time, I submitted poems that had been scribbled, stewed over, shred and pieced back together until they were…PERFECT!
Yeah. No such thing.
For What is a Friend? I used the photo prompt…
… and played with the idea that a friend could be someone, or some thing, that comforts you, that boosts your confidence, that you know so well you come alive when you are together. After following the aforementioned process, here’s what I had:
Alive (submitted version)
On this grassy field
I grasp my favorite stick
feel the smooth cylinder of its shaft
sink a clenched fist into its nylon netting
round out a ball-sized pocket
Whistle blows
My stick and I
pivot, dodge, sprint, run
burn the filed like the blazing sun
My stick and I
pass and check
cradle and scoop
catch
aim
SHOOT!
My stick and I
come alive
on this grassy field
©2022, Marilyn Garcia
It’s not bad. I mean, it was good enough to catch Janet and Sylvia’s attention. But, yeah, it could be better. It could always be better.
At their suggestion, and with a little back and forth, we moved some lines around, got rid of unnecessary words, made the tone more consistent, and added alliteration.
Alive (final version)
My stick and I
pause
pose
plot
plan
Whistle blows
My stick and I
come alive
on this grassy field
My stick and I
pivot, dodge, sprint, run
burn the field like the blazing sun
My stick and I
pass and check
cradle and scoop
catch
aim
SHOOT!
©2022, Marilyn Garcia
Look at that – my entire first stanza distilled down to eight words. EIGHT. I admit, I was worried we would lose some of what I liked about my submission if we revised it too much. But after a little more stewing over each word, each change, I think my “perfect” poem became just that much better. Thankfully, I had two sets of thoughtful, expert eyes on this poem to help me send it into the world in its best possible shape.
And all those bits that got cut? I’ll just have to build more poems around them!
I hope you will check out What is a Friend? by Pomelo Books. All profits from this book will be donated to the IBBY Children in Crisis Fund which you can learn about here.
Now head on over to Sarah Grace Tuttle’s blog for the rest of the Poetry Friday roundup!
Marilyn R Garcia 
Marilyn, I love your final included poem. I know the feeling of the generous heart of editors who help so much with creating a poem that works for us and them and the tighter, stronger it gets while we cling (I do sometimes) to an earlier draft. I am always happy with the result and that process. I learn. My copy arrives today. I KNOW from all I am seeing today that I will love it. I also like how that friend feeling comes from her stick and the field, her team and the game. Thank you for a great post explaining the process and sharing your first draft.
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Beautiful! Congratulations Marilyn!
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I love seeing the process of developing a poem. Congratulations!
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The short lines are powerful plays!
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I enjoyed reading about your process. Love you wonderful poem!
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Thank you for sharing your process with us. It was fun to see.
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I’m always so interested to see how other folks revise their poems… this is a great before/after! I think my favorite change was altering the last line. The new version feels so triumphant! Thank you for sharing. 🙂
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You did a BRILLIANT job of editing, Marilyn — we liked the first version that you sent very much, but we LOVE the final version!
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oh, how fun to get a peek into how a good poem becomes even better. Cutting words is HARD! But, your poem now feels like the action of the speaker…the relationship between the girl and that stick. What a gift you’ve given us. Thank you!
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Hi, Marilyn–thanks for this peek into the collaborative revision process! It’s always so helpful to see how things change, develop, are honed. I think we should normalize screen-recordings of poets doing their thing on the page, so that revision becomes less abstract. Here’s one I did, just for fun…omg I forgot it’s in FOUR parts! Revision is HARD! https://youtu.be/UAb5wpoP9yQ
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Heidi, I’ve been out of town and just had a chance to catch up on comments. I followed your link and watched you work on revisions. I may be a complete nerd, but I found it fascinating to watch your cursor moving back and forth, see you try out different line breaks and page placement – I felt like I was inside your brain, working right along with you. Thank you for posting the link!
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Revision is so key in the making of a “perfect poem” but so hard to get it right. Editors like Janet and Sylvia are so good at zeroing in on where to hone the poem. I love your final draft with its fast pace. I also listened to you your Poetry Boost poem. It was a very good presentation. Happy Fall.
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And THAT is the brilliance of a great editor!! Your second version SINGS!!!
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Wow, Marilyn! Thanks for sharing your process for “Alive” – and I’m delighted to be part of the WHAT IS A FRIEND? anthology, too! I’ll share mine next week.
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